NSFW-Just for laughs... - Page 7 - Realm of Excursion



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Old 08-30-2011   #151 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

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Old 08-31-2011   #152 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

ok maybe not funny but my puddy is guerentteed to make you aww




















*edit* sorry for the thread jacking but i had to
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Old 08-31-2011   #153 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

THE PORCH
>
> A young blond girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra
> money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman"
> and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
>
> She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if
> he had any odd jobs for her to do.
>
>
>
> "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said.
> "How much will you charge me?"
>
>
>
> Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
>
>
>
> The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and
> everything she would need were in the garage.
>
>
>
> The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does
> she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
>
>
>
> "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.
>
>
>
> The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all
> those dumb blonde jokes."
>
>
>
> A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
>
>
>
> "You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.
>
>
>
> "Yes," the bonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave
> it two coats.">
>
>
> Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it
> to her along with a $10 tip.
>
>
>
> "Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch,
> it's a Lexus."
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Old 08-31-2011   #154 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

Quote:
Originally Posted by RidinLoudProd View Post
> "Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch,
> it's a Lexus."
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Old 08-31-2011   #155 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

Ancient joke but still funny. And slightly different from the original Billy T James one but you yanks do that when you steal his jokes.

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=oZ82UyzBrYU
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Old 08-31-2011   #156 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

whats up with you and cats haha
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Old 08-31-2011   #157 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

Jim forgot his
wedding anniversary. His wife was mad. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect
to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT
BETTER BE THERE!!!" The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the
window to find a box… gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it
and found a brand new bathroom scale. . . Jim has been missing since Friday!
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Old 08-31-2011   #158 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

Quote:
Originally Posted by RidinLoudProd View Post
Jim forgot his
wedding anniversary. His wife was mad. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect
to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT
BETTER BE THERE!!!" The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the
window to find a box… gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it
and found a brand new bathroom scale. . . Jim has been missing since Friday!
What did she want, a jet fighter?
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Old 08-31-2011   #159 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

nope, she wants a re XXX off 10,000 watts playing a 20,000hz tone (that should make it move around 200mph)
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Old 09-02-2011   #160 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

A toddler, was giving her daddy a tea party, she brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea , her Mom came home, Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet?"
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Old 09-02-2011   #161 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

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Old 09-06-2011   #162 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time.

She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see Dr. Chang, the well-known Chinese sex therapist, so she went to see him.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all you crose." The woman did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she did.

Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."

Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"

Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."
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Old 09-07-2011   #163 (permalink)
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Old 09-07-2011   #164 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

My condolences if you live in Ohio....

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Old 09-08-2011   #165 (permalink)
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Old 09-09-2011   #166 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

Burn....

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Old 09-10-2011   #167 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

WALK NAKED IN AMERICA DAY

Don't forget to mark your calendars.


As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other

than his wife naked and if he does, he must commit suicide.
So next Saturday at 1 P.M. Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of theirhouse completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.
Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.

All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to demonstrate their support for the womenand to prove that they are not Muslim terrorist sympathizers..

Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side
is further proof of your patriotism.

The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.
God Bless America!!
P.S. If you don't send this to at least 1 person, you're a terrorist-sympathizing,
lily-livered coward and are possibly aiding and abetting terrorists
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Old 09-10-2011   #168 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

Damned good idea Sic.
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Old 09-10-2011   #169 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...











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Old 09-10-2011   #170 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

nice one
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Old 09-13-2011   #171 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

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Old 09-14-2011   #172 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

3 guys were hanging out at a bar when the Fred the hobo came in and bought everybody drinks. They even noticed that he had a Car and was wearing new clothes. So they asked him how he got the money for all that. Then Fred proceeds to tell them of a magical bridge that a certain train rides over and if you jump off the train over the bridge, yell an object out loud, you will land in huge pile of that object safely (Fred yelled money when he jumped of course). So the 3 guys went to test this out.

So the guys were finally on the train and were crossing the bridge. The first guy played it safe, jumped out and yelled, "PILLOWS!!!" Then he landed in a huge pile of pillows. The other 2 guys saw that it worked and got excited. The next guy jumped and yelled, "MONEY!!!" And he safely landed in a huge pile of money. The third guy got really excited. He proceeded to jump but tripped and accidentally fell out of the train and cried, "AH SH*T!!!".......
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Old 09-16-2011   #173 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?" "Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and are asking for a $10 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from Car to car, taking up a collection." "How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "About a gallon."
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Old 09-16-2011   #174 (permalink)
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Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

lol nice
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Old 09-20-2011   #175 (permalink)
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666WMD has the highest rating we can give - To make it this far is  nearly impossible666WMD has the highest rating we can give - To make it this far is  nearly impossible666WMD has the highest rating we can give - To make it this far is  nearly impossible666WMD has the highest rating we can give - To make it this far is  nearly impossible666WMD has the highest rating we can give - To make it this far is  nearly impossible666WMD has the highest rating we can give - To make it this far is  nearly impossible666WMD has the highest rating we can give - To make it this far is  nearly impossible666WMD has the highest rating we can give - To make it this far is  nearly impossible666WMD has the highest rating we can give - To make it this far is  nearly impossible666WMD has the highest rating we can give - To make it this far is  nearly impossible666WMD has the highest rating we can give - To make it this far is  nearly impossible
Default re: NSFW-Just for laughs...

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